One month to go.

So the countdown is officially one month away.

There's a fine fine line.

A friend just introduced me to this ... I believe its from the musical Avenue Q

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...

There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.
 

Intentions

This trip represents necessity. For me it is not about seeing and doing, it's more about feeling and being. I want to be amongst the unfamiliar. I need to experience the fear and solitude that being alone presents you with. One can believe that the last few months have been isolating and have left me feeling very alone. I feel this tremendous need to strip away everything and everyone. Not forever, but for now. I need to stand on my own two feet with the intention of allowing me the time to be still, to be present and to refocus myself in a new direction. Everything has been familiar, sedentary and way too predictable for me.

In preparation, aside of reading and dreaming ... I have begun to de-clutter myself and mostly my possessions. Things that represent the past that I can no longer find the strength to hold on to. These things take up space and I don't know why I find myself clinging to these things. Well, I guess I know but I need to let everything go. I feel a tremendous desire to purge and purge I will.

Nepal is an intensely spiritual place and I hope to be able to tap into that while I am there. I have three solid months to figure out how to do that. It is my hope that I can volunteer and give back to the country that I will be visiting. I am asking a lot of this place in terms of healing so in return I feel as though I should be working towards that. Nothing is free in this life. To be able to give one must be able to receive. I am willing to give, to serve and to experience life on the other side of the world and in return I want to be able to give the best parts of me while I am there. When I find out what that is ... I will post it.

September 30th

So it has been decided. Hastily mind you but my decision to head to Nepal was an easy one. Since I can remember, the Himalayas were a mountain range that I had one day dreamed of seeing live and in person. The bare bones plan is I have purchased a one way ticket to Kathmandu ... and well the rest is yet to be determined.

Why start a blog? Good question. Never really read anyone's blog before, never blogged myself but I enjoy writing and want to be able to share this with people, especially friends and family. Recently life served me up a slice of  ''I don't want to be with you anymore'' pie and the foundation of five years of my life crumbled beneath me. I have been an empty vessel ever since and I need to find a way to rebuild, recharge and refocus myself into living intentionally and mending a horribly shattered and broken heart.

September 30th ... 37 days away.